Compliments can feel small, but research suggests they often have a larger positive effect than the giver expects. The science is interesting without needing to overstate it.
People underestimate the value of a compliment
Studies of compliment-giving have found a consistent perception gap: givers tend to expect the interaction to feel more awkward, and the recipient to respond less positively, than recipients actually report. That matters because the fear of saying something awkward can stop people from sharing sincere appreciation.
The practical takeaway is simple: a thoughtful, specific compliment is often more welcome than the giver predicts.
Sincere praise and reward-related brain activity
Neuroimaging research has observed activity in reward-related brain regions when people receive positive social feedback. A 2023 study also distinguished sincere praise from flattery, finding different responses depending on whether the praise appeared genuine and deserved.
That does not mean every compliment directly releases a particular amount of dopamine, oxytocin, or serotonin. The studies discussed here measured reported experiences or patterns of brain activity, not a universal chemical reaction.
What the evidence does not establish
The available research does not justify claims that a compliment automatically suppresses cortisol, improves sleep, treats anxiety, improves mental health, or “literally rewires the brain.” Those outcomes require much more specific evidence than a general study of social praise.
Written and spoken compliments may both feel meaningful, but the evidence reviewed here also does not prove that every delivery format produces an identical biological effect.
How to give a compliment that feels genuine
- Be specific about the behavior, effort, or quality you noticed.
- Keep the compliment proportionate and sincere.
- Avoid making the recipient responsible for reassuring you.
- Choose language that fits the relationship and setting.
“You made that stressful meeting feel manageable” will often feel more personal than “You are amazing.”
Why digital compliments can still matter
An email or text can preserve the most important part of a compliment: someone noticed, chose their words, and made the effort to send them. Digital delivery also makes the message easy to revisit.
Complimenting Club is designed to reduce the friction between thinking something kind and actually saying it. You choose the mood, and we choose a prewritten compliment from that mood’s library.
Sources
- Research on sharing compliments and underestimating their positive impact
- Research comparing responses to sincere praise and flattery
- Review of social reward and the brain
With kindness,
The Complimenting Club team